Thanks, Whole Foods. I was getting used to paying 9 bucks for organic jungle toothpicks.
I crave your locally grown butternut squash tangelo salad mash, only 62 dollars an ounce, marked down from 62.01. Seriously delish. I cannot begin my day without a bowl of Dirt Farmer Fred’s Ricepuff Kaledoodles. 14 dollars a box is not too much to spend when health is more important than money.
But I will no longer frequent your ergonomically correct establishment.
Yes, I am quitting you. Because I am a check writer. And you are a check hater.
There, I said it. It’s in the constitution. The right to bear checks. Look it up, turds. But this American is going back to where my parents used to shop when I was growing up: The Shell Station.
Dave Little is a Contributor for The Scoop and a stand-up comedian, frequent guest on sports radio, and entertainer extraordinaire. Follow him on Twitter at @imdavelittle. Be sure to check out our full site at TheScoopZone.com!