Thanks, Whole Foods. I was getting used to paying 9 bucks for organic jungle toothpicks.
I crave your locally grown butternut squash tangelo salad mash, only 62 dollars an ounce, marked down from 62.01. Seriously delish. I cannot begin my day without a bowl of Dirt Farmer Fred’s Ricepuff Kaledoodles. 14 dollars a box is not too much to spend when health is more important than money.
But I will no longer frequent your ergonomically correct establishment.
Yes, I am quitting you. Because I am a check writer. And you are a check hater.
There, I said it. It’s in the constitution. The right to bear checks. Look it up, turds. But this American is going back to where my parents used to shop when I was growing up: The Shell Station.
Dave Little is a Contributor for The Scoop and a stand-up comedian, frequent guest on sports radio, and entertainer extraordinaire. Follow him on Twitter at @imdavelittle. Be sure to check out our full site at TheScoopZone.com!
Phoenix Suns forward PJ Tucker has been suspended for the first 3 games of the upcoming NBA season for “super extreme” driving while intoxicated.
“Super extreme” must translate to one game per percentage point over the legal limit.
And it’s good to see that “super extreme” has been given a facelift from what I used to call it: “shitfaced.”
Dave Little is a noted stand-up comedian and Sports Contributor for The Scoop. Follow him on Twitter at @imdavelittle.
Sunday I watched the final round of the PGA Championship.
Rory. Phil. Rickie.
I think I came out on top. I didn’t even sweat through my pants.
Dave Little is a noted stand-up comedian and Entertainment Contributor at The Scoop. Follow him on Twitter at @imdavelittle.
Hi, everyone. It’s me, Tony Romo’s back.
I actually have a name. Clarence.
I know, not your everyday name. But I like it.
Everyone sure is curious how I’m doing. The best I can come up with is “kinda okay”.
Tony’s wife tickled me the other day and I seized up and Tony grabbed a stack of red pills and swallowed them and 15 minutes later I was out of it and trying to drunk text Jessica Simpson’s back.
I think it would be great if Tony would wear a Red Cross jersey during the games so the defense stays away from me.
Anywho, just thought you would want to put a name to the back.
Hope I hold up. Almost out of duct tape.
Dave Little is a Sports Contributor at The Scoop. Follow him on Twitter at @imdavelittle.